Memories to Savour

The first candid shots of my son and his bride's wedding are beginning to populate my inbox, and with it come many mostly wonderful memories.

• Most delightful surprise:  My 2 yr old grandson leaning forward from the pew behind me during the rehearsal, tapping me on the back and loudly whispering, “Hi, gramma!”  I’m pretty sure he was hoping I’d help him escape for a game of hide and seek.
• Most senior moment:  Realizing the other earring was safely entombed in the afghan at the end of my bed… at home.
• Most sure I was losing my mind, but only a senior moment:  Searching hotel room and car for the rehearsal dinner table decorations, only to realize I not only left those bags, but also the 2 crock pots and dinner ingredients in my parking garage stall, back home.
• New favourite grocery store:  Sobey’s in Whitby
• Ironic end to the rehearsal evening: “I’m hungry!”  My “worked like slaves” daughter and son-in-law snuck across the hall to my mom and dad’s hotel room to polish off the rest of her famous crab dip.
• Best compliment:  “Can I have the recipe for your lasagne?”  President’s ChoiceJ
• Biggest waste:  Buying the pack of subs for the greenish hued groom and his crew’s lunch before the wedding.
• Pleasant surprise (or gift from God?): A hotel in Whitby became the “family home” for the days surrounding the wedding, and it felt like we were all able to be a family to the groom, even in that setting.
• Best smile:  After all those years of trying to get him to show his teeth for photos, I couldn’t tear myself away from the brilliant, beaming smile the groom lit up with when his bride made her grand entrance.
• Miracle to enjoy: After months of hoping and praying he’d be able to attend, watching my son-in-law stride down the aisle during the processional. 
• Biggest regret:  Growing up in a household and church where dancing was forbidden and then finding out the guy you married just plain won’t dance!  It sure looked like fun at the reception and I simply plan to dance my heart out in heaven someday.
• Enjoyable once-it’s-all-over moments:  taking down the décor after the reception with family (even my last trimester-pregnant daughter-in-law) and surprisingly, some of the bridal couple’s friends, even though we were turning into pumpkins.
• Most humbling moment:  Hearing how the teary-eyed photographers and long-time friends of the couple were impacted by the day, the stories, the speeches, the families.  To God be the glory!
• When I take a moment to think about it:  My parents and my children and my siblings and their children were there from all over the place.  What a blessing to have such godly support over the years, and in particular, on this day!
• Most eagerly awaited picture:  my family.  My poor grandson spent Christmas Eve throwing up, so the family photo we were going to gift each other with didn’t happen.  It’s rare that we’re all able to be physically together at the same time, so this photo will be a treasure.
• Most eagerly awaited photo #2:  I have a sepia-toned wedding photo of each of my other two brides and grooms, with a frame and spot on the wall just waiting for number three.  I guess that means I’m done with weddings for my children- they’re all grown up with families of their own now, and it’s time for me to parent them by prayerfully supporting them in a new way.  What more could a mom ask for?

Tying up loose ends

For someone who didn’t do any Christmas shopping, I sure spent a lot of time returning and exchanging today!  I’m musing about customer service and thought I’d work through the highs and lows of the day by sharing it with you.

The last of my family left today.  That meant that my car was all mine again and stores were actually open.  I managed to lug everything that needed to be attended to in one trip, but for some reason, no one else dared to share the elevator with me.

My first stop was the Garage, where I was returning for the 3rd time to repair the repair that had been done just in time for the arrival of my family and the consequent many trips around southern Ontario for family gatherings and a son’s wedding.  (My car was in good working order, but sounded terrible and was driving me bonkers.)  As I made the circuitous trip across town again, I was contemplating finding a new mechanic somewhere in my neighbourhood.

The outcome?  A creative solution was found, the work was done at their usual not too harried pace while I organized my day over a Tim Horton’s cup of tea, and there was no charge.  As I drove away listening to the restored purr of my aging ride, I decided to give this inconvenient garage another chance.

Next on my list was Rona, the bank and Home Outfitters, mercifully all in the same plaza.  The line-up at the bank was long, but the greeter called me out of line and took care of depositing my USD cheque in mere minutes!

I only had $4.50 worth of unneeded rehearsal dinner decorations to return at HO, which they did quickly, without a smirk.

The wrong colour caulking I wanted to return to Rona was purchased by my handyman son-in-law on his credit card, alas, a different brand than the one I use, so I was quickly and cheerfully given a store credit to use in the future.

Next stop was Winners, where I was returning a too heavy for my aging wrists blow dryer, a gift from my already on their way back to Seattle daughter and husband.  A bit wiser from my Rona experience, I mustered up my courage.  I wanted to come away with cash, so I could purchase a blow dryer somewhere else.  I had the receipt; the receipt promised a return by Jan 8th, so I adamantly pressed my case… and won.

Cash in hand, I headed to Cdn Tire to return a caulking gun that wasn’t needed after all, with the hopes of finding a blow dryer.  Both were easily taken care of within the next 20 minutes (but not before I confirmed their return policy).

Next stop was Goodwill, where I was finally able to deposit the boxes of donations from my son’s move on Dec 23rd.  The frozen but cheerful young man who hauled the boxes from my trunk was a bonus.  With energy to spare, I decided to see what manner of skirts I could purchase in their store for my March trip to Africa.  After trying on at least 15, I left a half an hour later with 2 skirts and 10 teaspoons for Welcome Home (where do they all disappear to?), for a total of $13.50.

Being in a generous mood, when the Party Store couldn’t refund my purchase of 3 pkgs of serviettes++, which had inadvertently stayed behind when we traveled to Whitby for the wedding week (it’s a longgg story), I handed them over to the hesitant clerk to re-stock.  My recent experience with the Dollar Store, which has a no returns policy, had taught me that it was costly to lug something back home, too.

I was so frustrated with the clerk at the Party Store that a bag of chocolate-covered almonds sounded really good.  Instead, this opportunity to recall the grace I experienced during my many stops today has helped me end the day well satisfied.  

Christmas Gifts

What can I say, I'm a mom at heart!
This morning our Welcome Home staff made our annual Christmas breakfast for our unique family- pancakes, fruit cup, whipped cream, scrambled eggs- it certainly wowed the refugees as they walked in to the kitchen!




We haven't shared a "family only" meal all fall, and I remembered why it's so important as I watched our friends who meet each other in the hallways, bathroom, cooking together, sharing the computers and watching TV, but rarely sit down as a whole household to eat together in this way.

There were a number of things that warmed my mother's heart.

• Having the whole family gathered around the table and willing to risk eating our Canadian breakfast.
• The conversations that sprung up throughout the morning, some between refugee new arrivals who hadn't even met each other yet.
• Scott shared some of our Canadian traditions, starting with the historic figure of St Nick (Baba Noel in Arabic), and ending with the gift of Jesus and why He came.  Was Scott wise enough to ask if some of our friends would translate for each other, or were their blank looks his biggest clue??  It couldn't have worked out better if we had planned it:  three level 5 English speakers translated for Level 1 learners in Tigrinia (Eritrean), Spanish and Arabic.  I felt like we got it right...this time, and the smiles of the entire staff team while a mishmash of translation was criss-crossing the table confirmed it!
• A miracle had happened and today it was staring me in the face.  There had been some tensions between the oldest woman and the youngest one, to the extent that the older one refused to acknowledge or speak to the young one. It was very hard, especially for the young one.  However, she was raised to forgive, and had made a choice to do so.  Today I watched the animated conversation back and forth between these two women as the younger translated for the older.  I realized that the barriers had been broken, and though neither of these women are Christ-followers yet, His work was evident in their hearts.  What a great answer to prayer!

• Our John Paterson not only cooks pancakes and keeps our books, he volunteers as Santa.  It was so fun to see everyone leap to their feet and start applauding as they clamoured for a picture with Santa! 
• We got to give away gifts that our friends from Creekside collected through their Angel Tree.  Everyone acted like little kids as they tore open their gifts and explored the creative kindness they'd been shown.  

It's a hard season for many who have suffered much, and our houseful of refugees are missing the routine of school as they cope with long dark nights, loneliness and a bit of over-crowding, too.  It's wonderful to have moments like these to brighten the holidays and give all of us hope.

A Christmas Dare

Christmas was coming, and the yearly challenge to be solved just could not be ignored any longer: 
What to buy for our family?

Something that said, “We love you, we value you, we’re glad we’re family!”  

Complicating Factor Number One:  Our loved ones were spread across the country, and we had no idea what special gift to give, that wouldn't already be sitting in their well-stocked home.  Was there really anything they might like, or need, or want that we could guess correctly and afford, too?

To buy something just to… buy something, seemed such a waste of our never-quite-enough resources and such a slap in the face of the One whose birthday this was, after all.  

In the mail came a catalogue full of inexpensive gifts  –simply rich in meaning and life potential for the recipients whose needs were too many to count. 

What to do? 
Complicating Factor Number Two: We were not on the same wavelength with regards to faith- would this convince them that we really were from another planet??  

A dare, a risky move because we couldn’t bring ourselves to do any less.  

Each family received a card saying,

 “Because we love you, we’ve given a gift of ____ in your honour.”  

The response? 

• Tears.  
• Gratitude. 
• Wonder. 
• A new tradition that was carried on with all sorts of twists and turns, creatively trying to outdo each other.  

This Christmas, don’t just give a gift.  

Give a gift that’s desperately needed and makes a difference.  

In case you need some help -
Welcome Home has an Online Christmas Catalogue, $10-$50 gifts that will mean the world to newly arrived refugees.

Go ahead, I dare you!

How Awesome Was Your Long Weekend?

For many Canadians, the long weekend begins a day early, so Welcome Home’s jaunt to Grand Bend last Thursday counts.  

Other than a nice reprieve for our staff team, there were two most awesome things about our beach day. 

The first is something I noticed with my children too: the beach is a great “equalizer”.  You see, we house men and women from many countries, with many different languages, religions and cultures. So, it’s not always a given that they love each other or even care to relate to each other (does any family??).  One of our goals is to prayerfully create a sense of family, and it sure happened on this day!  Like a doting mom, I smiled to myself as an Iraqi woman and an Eritrean woman chatted with each other during our trip there.  When everyone threw themselves into water fights, foot races, sand castle creations, and learning to swim, I knew our mission for the day was accomplished.  

 

New words for the day:  wave, sand dune, sand bar

New sights: a Great Lake – “it looks like the ocean!”

Eritrean way to make a sand castle- build a well-packed dome over your foot, slide your foot out and you have an instant cave!

When we arrived, M immediately plopped herself down in the surf at the shoreline with a great big grin on her face.  I asked, “Did you do this when you were a child?” and she responded, “No, I was afraid of water then.”

That’s the other most amazing thing about this day.  

When we were camping at Guelph Lake in the beginning of July, a number of our friends were afraid to get in the water, with stories of family members who drowned during their flight to safety.  I saw this same fear when we first arrived today, partly because the heavy fog didn’t give the lake a very friendly look.  By the end of the brilliantly sunny afternoon, everyone was floating around with noodles and surf boards, imitating each other by trying to kick their legs and even attempting the “noodle stroke”.  I ended up being the swimming instructor, sharing my goggles and using what I’d observed during my children’s swimming lessons to encourage comfort and mastery in the water.  

As I said to M, “But you’re not afraid now, because you’re a refugee.  You are full of courage!”  She agreed.

How awesome was your long weekend?

Camping surprises

It was a gorgeously sunny weekend for camping at Guelph Lake, full of many surprises of both kinds- the wonderful and the not-so-wonderful. 

• EVERYONE from Welcome Home came- after weeks of inviting, attempting to explain what "camping" was (including one trip to the campground to let some of them see it in person) and right to the last minute, uncertainty over who would be coming.   Whew- we JUST had enough seatbelts for all 18 of us!
• The brand-new, just around the corner from our site showers and flush toilets were NOT open yet.  That meant line-ups for the supremely smelly, always out of tp outhouse.
• Maybe this should have been no surprise, but our guys caught NO FISH.  They certainly tried hard enough!
• Speaking of fish, which usually makes me gag, the store-bought fried trout for supper was delicious!
• Setting up and taking down 6 tents was a breeze, with all hands on deck, even though most of the group had never even slept in a North American style tent.  As one young woman insisted, "It would be shame for us not to help."
• Speaking of tents, the NEST of newborn... rats, squirrels, chipmunk?  revealed when the tent was removed. The girls' maternal instincts sure showed up!
• Sleeping Bags.  We all laughed (with relief?) when  the ladies discovered what a sleeping bag was and how neatly it turned a floor into a bed. 
• Swimming.  I was sure that M, a middle-aged conservative Muslim, would not want to go swimming.  I mean, what would she WEAR?  And, many women from her culture have never been in a pool.  After discovering the miracle of pool noodles, she bobbed her way into "the sea" and hung out there for the next 4 hours.  I had to tow her into shallower water and try to explain that she should stay where she could touch the bottom.  My Arabic is not very good.  Check the photo for her wisely chosen swim costume.
• Campfires- S'MORES were re-named "sugar sandwiches" and consumed in large quantities.  We sang whatever Scott or Marcee could strum.  Sam led us in a nightly game of guess the "Bible Characters", many of which are in the Qur'an, too.  Young Maja told loooong stories where ghosts look like white people.
• Even camping is a RICH person's adventure.  I was asked many times how much a tent would cost, how much a night of camping costs, how far it is to Guelph Lake.  The wheels were turning, ideas and possibilities were being explored.  Even a day trip to the park for 4 is over $20 plus a car to get there...  I'm very rich. 
• How REWARDING such a non-restful camping weekend could be!  Great memories, new experiences, deepening relationships.  A wife waiting to join her refugee husband wondered how he could be living so well and experiencing such amazing things.  As he wrestled with this, I reminded him that much of what he is dealing with right now is incredibly hard, even unjust.  And that he would need much strength and courage to keep going.  This weekend was about refreshing the soul along with fellow travelers.  He looked at me and nodded. 

Reasons to Celebrate

For the first time in three years, I made it to church on Father's Day!  Two years ago, my counsellor's advice was to be gentle with myself in my time of grief, so I participated in the worship online and when the message started, found something else to do.  Last year I tried to stick my head in the sand by going to the  Airshow with one of my sons.  Wouldn't you know it, EVERY pilot dedicated his flight to his dad!  Nevertheless, it was a great day of diversion.  But I was missing the community and worshipping online is nothing like being present when God's Spirit moves, so I was determined to attend this year's service, even though I knew it would be all about dads. 

I woke up angry and struggling, crying out to God for some means of escape from the onslaught of temptation to look back and be bitter.  As I was brushing my teeth, an invitation entered my muddled mind:  "Put off and Put on"  Put off anger, malice, bitterness, rage.  Put on forgiveness and love.  Immediately I knew which kind of choice I have been learning to make and my struggle lost its steam. 

I won't lie by saying that the Sunday service was a breeze.  It wasn't, but I'm still really glad I went.  The worship reminded me that God is a perfect Heavenly Father!  I cried through Lead Me  and heard Jesus affirm that this desire is good and right, and He wanted it too.   I realized that it was okay to learn how to be a godly dad, since that's a gap that I need to fill at this time.  Finally, I could see a bit of a smirk on God's face as Pastor Dave ended with a challenge,

 Forget the former things;
   do not dwell on the past.
 See, I am doing a new thing!
   Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? 

 He and I both know that next to forgiving, this is my chief assignment for now.  So, along with gratitude for a never-changing, never-failing Heavenly Father, I'm thankful for my dad who continues to be my greatest champion.  And, I'm anticipating more reasons to celebrate as I look up, look ahead and embrace His best for me.